Mono Print Diary - Sharing Your Emotion

Alongside the photoshoots, I decided to create a ‘mono print’ diary – a form of documentation of all of the comments shared. Mono print has been used by myself and the individuals throughout this project, all of whom found the process of creating a print very relaxing and a form of therapy within itself. I am also very pleased with this outcome as it reflects where my inspiration came from to
create the anonymous photoshoot.

 Below are some of the 'Emotional Stories' which have been created into monoprint.
30 Stories were printed in total.

 

 

I feel my work throughout this project has changed rather a lot using different media to experiment with, however I am pleased it has done so as I now know I would like to carry on working with photography and projection, but to also use the participation from others to make this work.
Participatory practice will always be a big part of my work, whether my audience are part of the process or are able to physically interact with a finished piece I have created. If the audience were unable to do this I do not feel my work would have as much importance.  

Participatory Practice - The Anonymous

Even though I was very happy with the outcome of the sessions I was unsure on how I would develop this participatory practice. I read an article on Claire Bishop – ‘the Social Turn’, stating that participatory art emphasis process over product and that it tends not to produce good art outcomes/objects, as well as it only having value for those who actually take part in the event. I felt like she was trying to say the art doesn’t last and is no longer very meaningful to anyone else.
I feel the participation I had with the certain individuals who would like to stay anonymous to the viewer, reflects what Bishop is saying within ‘The Social Turn’. I do not feel the pieces of art created in the therapy setting are aesthetically pleasing as I did not direct the individuals on what to produce, it was purely up to them how they expressed themselves.

As I am extremely interested in the process I have with the individuals within my work, but also like to create something which can engage with another audience at the end of it, I wanted to produce another experiment which would involve the same individuals I had been working with but this time in more of a visual way that others could relate to.

 

As I felt the anonymous message sent forward were very powerful and should be used in some way, I started to think about how I could create pieces of art work with them. I began to think what reminds me of being anonymous – I instantly thought of a mask as it hides any emotion and identity of oneself.
I had an idea to project these powerful messages onto a mask which the individuals I have been working with and whom want to stay anonymous to the viewer could wear and could then be photographed.

I produced four photoshoots, three of the individuals I had previously worked with and another women who got in touch and wanted to participate in my work. I experimented with different backdrops, white and black sheets. White revealing all of the personal comment and the person being a part of the story, looking as though their head was coming out of it, and black to only capture the mask with some of the words from the message projected on it.
Both of which worked extremely well and edited on photoshop for a higher contrast.

Here are some of the final photographs taken of the Individuals which have been edited on photshop:
(Inspired by Jenny Holzer's work)

When I read this survey, I instantly thought of when we had our family pet put down, Molly or moon dance as we used to call her. It's amazing how attached you can become to a dog, I grew up with her from the age of 3 and she was as valued as any other member of the family. She wasn't that old when we found out she had a tumour, after months of the vet telling us it wasn't anything serious, we went for a second opinion and were told she would have to be put down within the next few days. I remember saying goodbye to her and it was heart-wrenchingly horrible. The worst thing I have ever had to do. I have experienced loosing family members before, including my Grandparents but it was different when my dog was put down because unlike before, I knew when I said goodbye it was for the last time. I think the most emotional and hardest part of loosing Molly was the feeling of not having a dog around the house. It seemed lonely without her there, as I am sure anyone who has lost a well-loved pet would tell you. I remember seeing my brother cry, and my dad cry, and I have only seen my dad cry on one other occasion, when my Grandma died. I suppose, selfishly we overcame the lonely feeling around the house by getting a puppy, but we never forgot our lovely Molly. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and putting her to sleep stopped her from pain and suffering which she certainly didn’t deserve.

I have felt sad for a while because people pick on me and always make nasty comments about me I at first found it hard to deal with well I still some of the time do but I am learning to ignore these people as in time they will get bored and then leave me alone.

Lately I have been feeling very anxious and down about a certain event that is happening in my life. Having to undergo tests and Waiting 3 months to find out results is very stressful as I find when I am by myself all I can do it think about it and cry about how frustrating it is not able to fully plan a future I have always dreamed of! This has been happening for a while now and at first I pushed away anyone who tried to talk to me I just wanted to be by myself for some reason I felt if hiding away from the problem it would make everything better however it didn't it's just made it worst I have started to open up about it now and talk to my close friends & boyfriend about it and this has helped I still have bad days but they seem to not be as regular now! By talking to people about my feelings has helped but I still feel very anxious of the test results.

When I broke up with my boyfriend was probably one of the most emotional times in my life. All I did was cry for weeks, didn't want to go out or socialise. I didn't quite understand how one person could make such an impact on my life and I was so upset that I had lost my best friend felt empty and alone even though I had all my friends and family for support even now a year later I still get days where I’ll cry for no reason or watch something that will make me emotional

 

 

 

 

 

I feel these photoshoots work extremely well as my audience are still participating in part of the process but are also involved in an aesthetically pleasing outcome which another audience can engage with.

Art Therapy

As I have always been interested in Art Therapy and have subconsciously used my art practice as a therapeutic tool towards my emotions and feelings, I wanted to use my knowledge and help some of the individuals who shared their personal experiences with me using the creative process.

 

I asked my audience whether any individuals would like to come forward and help develop my work by participating in an ‘art therapy’ session.

I explained within the activity we would talk about their story and how they felt when it first happened, to how they feel now and how they would like to feel in the future; using artistic materials, colours and symbols to represent these feelings.

 

Four individuals came forward and wanted to participate in this practice, two of whom I knew already and two other women I did not know so well.
The art therapy sessions took place within the Royal William Yard studio, each taking around 2 hours at a time.

 

 

For the activity the individual was able to document their emotions creatively relating to how they felt in the past about their experience, using text to identify some key emotions, as well as ‘child like’ drawings to portray this too.  The same tools were used to create a piece based on their feelings towards their experience now in the present, as well as how they would like to reflect back in the future and how they would like to be/feel as a person when they are older.

 

 

 

When I read this survey, I instantly thought of when we had our family pet put down, Molly or moon dance as we used to call her. It's amazing how attached you can become to a dog, I grew up with her from the age of 3 and she was as valued as any other member of the family. She wasn't that old when we found out she had a tumour, after months of the vet telling us it wasn't anything serious, we went for a second opinion and were told she would have to be put down within the next few days. I remember saying goodbye to her and it was heart-wrenchingly horrible. The worst thing I have ever had to do. I have experienced loosing family members before, including my Grandparents but it was different when my dog was put down because unlike before, I knew when I said goodbye it was for the last time. I think the most emotional and hardest part of loosing Molly was the feeling of not having a dog around the house. It seemed lonely without her there, as I am sure anyone who has lost a well-loved pet would tell you. I remember seeing my brother cry, and my dad cry, and I have only seen my dad cry on one other occasion, when my Grandma died. I suppose, selfishly we overcame the lonely feeling around the house by getting a puppy, but we never forgot our lovely Molly. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and putting her to sleep stopped her from pain and suffering which she certainly didn’t deserve.

 

 

Feelings Towards this individuals experience of losing her family pet and the grief she had:

 

 Past

 

 

Present

 

Future

 

 

This Individual gained a lot from the experience and said it made her remember things she wouldn't normally think about.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have felt sad for a while because people pick on me and always make nasty comments about me I at first found it hard to deal with well I still some of the time do but I am learning to ignore these people as in time they will get bored and then leave me alone.

 

This Individuals expression towards her emotion based on being bullied:

 

Past

 

 

 

Present

 

 

 

Future

 

 

This Individual also gained a lot from the art therapy experience, which she hadn't heard of before and would like to carry it on at home herself.
As she has learning difficulties and is autistic, she found it very calm and relaxing to be painting and visualising all of her thoughts and feeling.

 

 

 

 

 

Lately I have been feeling very anxious and down about a certain event that is happening in my life. Having to undergo tests and Waiting 3 months to find out results is very stressful as I find when I am by myself all I can do it think about it and cry about how frustrating it is not able to fully plan a future I have always dreamed of! This has been happening for a while now and at first I pushed away anyone who tried to talk to me I just wanted to be by myself for some reason I felt if hiding away from the problem it would make everything better however it didn't it's just made it worst I have started to open up about it now and talk to my close friends & boyfriend about it and this has helped I still have bad days but they seem to not be as regular now! By talking to people about my feelings has helped but I still feel very anxious of the test results.

 

This persons reflection of how she feels towards recently finding out she most probably would not be able to carry a child and is undergoing  tests to find out for certain:

 

Past

 

 

Present

 

 

 

Future

 

 

 

Even though this Individual found it calm and relaxing to express herself in this way, she explain she still finds its easier to express her emotions verbally.

 

 

 

The emotion I want to share is love. I gave birth to my son when I was 18. When he was 6 weeks old me and his dad broke up. Not long after I had severe post natal depression in which I had to give him away to my mum. I would go over there and I couldn't look at him, touch him, be near him. Nothing. I felt nothing. But one day he was crying and no one could settle him. So I picked him up, and instantly he stopped crying and cuddled me. I've never felt such an overwhelming love in my life, and I've continued to feel that every day. It's impossible to explain the love between a mother and child, the most powerful emotion there is.

This persons interpretation of their emotions is based on having post natal depression after giving birth to her son and having no connection with him.

 

Past

 

 

Present

 

 

Future

 

As I did not know this individual very well, I felt rather privileged that she opened up and shared her thoughts and feelings with me. She really enjoyed the 'art therapy' session and explained how it made her think about things more positively especially the future.

 The response I had from the sessions was extremely overwhelming, to know I had helped each of them in some way to look at their situation from a different point of view and feel more positive about it.



 

Expressing Emotion

Throughout this Body of work I have focused my studio practice on ‘Expressing ones Emotions’.  

I have been interested to find out how one deals with their emotion, whether it is by being creative or verbal.

As I enjoy interacting with my audience as part of the process within my work, I asked people via a social networking site to participate.

I asked many individuals to answer a question regarding their emotion via survey monkey which would make all comments anonymous. I asked for them to write a few sentences about a particular emotion they would like to share, good or bad. It could be explaining a story or experience they have had, or just a strong emotion they are feeling at this current time and why they feel that way.
I explained the more powerful the emotion the better, as If they were happy with me presenting these comments within my work, I would like others to relate to the story and understand the emotion the individual has been feeling.
I had a great response from this and received 30 extremely personal and unique comments within a few days.

Here are some of them displayed below:

A couple years ago now my mum was diagnosed with aggressive great cancer and have to have surgery to remove it! During this time I experienced so many emotions... First I was angry with the world, why my mum? Then I was devastated and scared of losing the most important person in my life... What would I do without her? Then after the surgery, mum underwent chemo where she soon had amazing news the cancer had gone! There was an overwhelming sense of relief that actually everything was going to be ok... Now I am so grateful she is still here with me

Several years ago I had to make the hardest decision of my life, I found out I was pregnant and at the time I didn’t feel ready or in a stable place to have a family. In the end I decided to have an abortion, the hospital appointments and conversations with doctors seemed serial like I was watching it happen to someone else. After the procedure I still felt numb like nothing had happened, just an operation. As the weeks went by it started to sink in and I began to think about it all the time and feel confused and wondering if I did the right thing. I used to think why should I be alive after the choice I made to take someone’s life it didn't and still doesn't seem fair. The emotions I felt during this time were regrets, confusion, anger, pain, upset, guilt and many more. The guilt and pain are still here today and I think about it quite a lot. sometimes I just feel like I need to be alone and I keep it bottled up because it was so long ago I don't know who to talk to or people to think bad of me as everyone has a different opinion. I don't think I have really dealt with this emotion or if I ever will it will be with me forever.

I have never felt as sad as when my dog of 8 years had to be put down in front of me, he was always so strong and buoyant but when he got to sick he lost so much weight, all the happiness had gone from his eyes and he just lay there, when the vet came to lethally inject him his last ounce of strength was so powerful, I had to listen as his last barks turned into whimpers and then silence, as he lay there cold and still. I'd never felt intense emotional sadness like that before, not even when my father died.

My emotion was mixed and confusing as 2 years ago I started having feelings towards a girl. I never felt them with any other girl other than this one and I still don't. Having to tell my family and close friends how I felt was hard as I've only ever liked boys and I wasn't sure if it was just because we became close and we got On Well. So telling people was hard as I didn't understand it myself luckily my close friends and family understood and support me through whatever! It still confuses me as I don't look at girls in that way apart from her and if we ever split up then I wouldnt get with another girl! People judge me but that's life and I'm happy how things are.

I've recently came out of a long relationship & at the moment it feels like the worst thing in the world. It hurts just to get up in the morning because you have to spend the whole day thinking about the person you love but can't be with. It feels like your missing apart of you. I keep reassuring myself that it will get better & everything happens for a reason. Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings to have.

I've recently been given an opportunity that will pretty much change my life. I'm just debating which way to go! I've been with my partner for over 4 years and we have a house, car and now a puppy together! Well I'd like to say I'm happy how I am but I've changed many jobs and still not doing what I thought I would be doing. So I wouldn't say I'm at my happiest I could potentially be. I've been given the chance to do my Forensic Degree with a guaranteed job at the end of it. Forensic scientist is my dream job and you can probably tell I was EXTREMELY excited to receive the news. I told my partner and yeah he was happy for me but I could tell there was something he wasn't keen on. If I take the opportunity I have to move to London. He doesn't want to move to London. Now I'm feeling 2 different emotions and I really don't know how I should feel! One part of me is I suppose selfish and all I want to do is take the opportunity that I'm really excited about and potentially lose EVERYTHING I have now. Which makes me feel both upset and confused. The other side of me is how I typically am. A selfless person. I stay how I am now, just to please other people. Pretend that I'm living the happy perfect life when actually I'm just comfortable and really want to do this for myself. Basically my emotions are all over the place! I know I should be happy and excited but I'm feeling guilty and confused.